I’m really sorry for not being active lately. Life has been really hard these past few weeks. I guess, I’ve been so down since the start of the year and I can’t quite figure out what the source is/was. There are times when I feel really happy and then at the end of the day, when I’m alone, I feel really lonely. I try to not overthink but we all know it’s hard not to.
Really, I think I’m just focusing on the negative things instead of the positive ones. My Philosophy professor is such a huge help because he’s saying things that aren’t specifically for me but they are for me. There are times when I feel insecure about myself. About everything. I know I shouldn’t be. But sometimes, you just can’t help it, you know? And for me, it happens almost all the time. My professor said that happy people are the most beautiful people. No wonder I don’t feel great about myself, it’s because I wasn’t really happy. I was too blind focusing on my flaws rather than being grateful for everything I have.
I think that I’m just being tested here. I know that this will pass. Soon, eventually. Right now, I try not to think of those negative feelings. I actually read quite a lot of novels these past few days. It’s like my escape. My haven.
Ughhhh. I know this is just a phase. Lol. Y U DO DIZZ TO MEEEEEEE?!
Honestly, sometimes I just want to sleep and not go to school. I mean, why can’t i just sleep? WHYYYYYYY. Is this my punishment for being so lazy all the time? ;w;
But, really, I feel so lazy every time. Yep.
Do I feel okay? I do feel okay. I am happy. But it’s the kind of happiness that doesn’t last because at the end of the day, thoughts haunt me.
I’m not depressed. Nope. Just stressed about school and everything. School is just… ugh. IT’S A DIFFERENT STORY. IT INVOLVES ME WISHING LIFE HAS A FAST FORWARD BUTTON. It’s actually 1:49 AM right now. Why am I still awake? I’m sort of reviewing for a quiz tomorrow. Sort of.
I know I’m probably talking nonsense right now because my mind isn’t functioning well at times like this.
Just a while ago, I realized some things.
I realized that I’m wasting my time focusing on the sad things of life. I realized that life is really too short to be unhappy. I shouldn’t be living like this. Heck, I’m young! I should be living life! I also realized that these unhappy thoughts are unhealthy and they should be stopped immediately. No one is to be blamed but me.
And you know what? I should stop trying to please everyone. I should start doing things for myself. I should start doing the things I really love and not what others love.
Wait. You must be wondering I’m posting this kind of oh-so-personal post. Honestly, I’ve been watching Awkward these past few days and let’s say I’m kind of inspired of Jenna. Lol. And I just wanted to update you guys with what’s happening. I know this is kind of lame but I really do want to connect with you in some ways. I think that sharing what I truly feel is a great way of doing that.
And yes, I really do need more happy pills.
Life is a pain in the butt sometimes.